i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
