no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize