there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
