I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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