Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
