dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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