I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
