Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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