so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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