lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
