wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
