I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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