So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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