This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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