if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
