They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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