When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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