this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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