"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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