The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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