Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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