The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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