i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
