we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
