i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
