she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
