I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it because I queefed?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize