At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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