i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
