This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
