Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
