I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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