Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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