dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
