Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
