and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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