I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
