i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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