I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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