Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
