Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize