Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
