apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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