hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
porn star boner night. come get it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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