Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
