How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
