I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
