Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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