just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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