you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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