Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
