i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
