Umm I'm too high to move.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
