that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
