I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
