She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
