Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
