They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
