he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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