Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Found your dick twin last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Holy shit dude........stairs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
