I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He passed out mid-signature
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
