we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
