My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
thus making me awesome and them whores
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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