I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
