Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i came on her dog
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize