When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
