i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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