life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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