It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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