remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
bring money and cleavage
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
