I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
