i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
