so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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